Have you ever felt lost?

Have you ever felt lost? Like you don’t know where your going or where you belong in life?

Ever since I was 12 years old I have never felt like I knew where I actually belonged, Yes I had my ‘Family’ but I never actually felt like I belonged there or even if I was wanted there! It always felt like I was just there for no purpose other than being their child so they had to have me there!

From being 13 all I ever did was hang out with people older than me, I used to drink alcohol with them just to fit in & Feel like I belonged somewhere, Eventually it got me in to trouble with my parents & They kicked me out of the family home.(Looking back now i understand to an extent) Yes I shouldn’t have been doing them things at that age but I wanted a reaction from them like some form of attention, Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way, It never does.

That carried on up until I hit 16 & Then I met my now husband! He was a year younger than me, He was from Newcastle too but he lived down south. Luckily he was up visiting or maybe we would have never met! (Scary thinking abiout it) I do believe in love at first sight, Yes we were young but from the moment I met him I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Whilst he was up visiting October 2009 he stayed at my parents house with me. One day my mother went crazy & Attacked me & He saw it all.

IMG_3133                                                      Me & Edward when I arrived down south

After 5 month of being together he asked me to move down south to live with & Vowed to take care of me! I was doing work experience at the time so was getting EMA (It used to be running back then but it was where you got paid £30 a week for working) I hadn’t been paid for a few weeks so I was expecting it to be backdated anytime, I spent my last Christmas in Newcastle & Told my parents I was going down south to visit Edward, On the 27th of December 2009 they dropped me to the train station & That is when i waved goodbye to Newcastle & My life there!

From then on I have felt wanted & Knew where i belonged even if i was nearly 400 miles away from my ‘family’ Im no longer lost.

We went on to have our first baby but we sadly miscarried, Our rainbow baby was born in 2011 & Our last little boy was born in 2014! We married in 2015 & This July we have been together 8 year. I could never thank him enough for taking me away & Showing me what life should be like & What love really is. He really is my soul mate!

IMG_3134So happy!

So just remember if you are in a situation like I was & You feel like there is no end.. THERE IS!

I went the wrong way about trying to get attention, I know that now as an adult. It made things worse!

This has been something that’s been so heavy on my shoulder’s for over 10 year now & Already it feels like a weight has been lifted so thank you to my lovely followers who make me feel comfortable enough to post things like this. I’m now happier than I have ever been, Thanks to my husband, My children & My in-laws.

Copy of Blackbird (1)




4 thoughts on “Have you ever felt lost?

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